Singer Azeezat has been married to her producer
and artiste manager husband, Seyi Allen, for 16 years. They share their story
with TOFARATI IGE
How did you meet your spouse?
Azeezat: We met at a programme
called Girls Night Out. I was one of the contestants for the talent hunt that
took place at the concert and he was one of the judges. I didn’t win the
competition but he came to me later and gave me his card. He said I should get
in touch with him. We started working together and he basically developed my
talent. He has had a huge impact on my career because I was quite inexperienced
at the time we met.
What attracted you to each other?
Seyi: I was attracted by her
voice, humility and her comportment.
Azeezat: His honesty. The fact
that he always told me the truth about everything that was beneficial to me,
even if it wouldn’t pay for him. All he did made me understand that he really
cared about my future. Life has taught me to value the people who value me. As
of the time we met, we were both in relationships, and I was quite close to his
girlfriend then. However, his relationship ended when his then girlfriend
passed away, while my relationship had ended earlier. As time went on, we
became each other’s best friend.
How did he propose to you?
Azeezat: At that time, he was
ready to get married. He said he looked around and I was the only one around
that he knew well; so, he decided to stick with me (laughs). On the day
that he proposed, we were in the studio. When I got there, he kept insisting
that I should go into the recording booth. When I went in there, there was a
piece of paper taped to the glass partition between the booth and the control
room. The paper read, “How about a Valentine?” I screamed when I saw it, and
that was it.
Did you have any uneasy feelings about
your manager being your husband at that time?
Azeezat: Initially, I wasn’t
comfortable with it. I felt it would be awkward that my boss in the business
world is also my boss at home. My parents had broken up years earlier and I was
in a phase where I had doubts about the ‘sacredness’ of relationships.
Eventually, I got over that feeling. I committed everything to God.
How easy was it for you to graduate from
being single to married?
Seyi: We needed to understand
each other. I made her know that I would also have to work with other clients,
and I would have to spend time with them as well. I am at liberty to work with
anybody.
Azeezat: After we got married, I
continued living like a spinster for some time in the sense that I was going
for weeklong competitions or other entertainment and educational programmes. My
husband, being someone in the industry, was understanding and he allowed me to
soar. He didn’t try to hold me down at all.
What was the first major misunderstanding
you had in your marriage?
Azeezat: It is well known that
marriage is the coming together of two people from different backgrounds, so it
is expected that we would learn things from each other. My husband taught me
how to forgive, because I used to have a lot of pent up anger in me. There were
times that I threatened to leave the marriage. Sometimes, I would pack my bags
and act like I was ready to go back to my parents’ house. As a lady, I love
being begged.
How do you settle misunderstandings?
Seyi: Silence helps a lot. It is
when you’re quiet that God speaks to you. And it’s also the time to ask him
questions and you’ll get a lot of answers. He always directs us to take the
right steps at the right times.
Azeezat: God is in charge of our
marriage and He is the one who guides us accordingly.
What has kept your marriage going all
these years?
Azeezat: I will also credit this
to God, and to the fact that we genuinely love each other. There were times
that we were both got tired of the marriage. But we always found ways to
get over the storms.
Is there any distinction between your
relationships as working partners and a married couple?
Seyi: It was strictly about work
when we first started our relationship. Before our marriage, we had a meeting
and we decided that we would always keep the two sides of our relationship
apart. Everybody knows that when we are at home, she is my wife. But out there
on the field, she is my artiste. Sometimes those lines get blurred. Even
whenever we have business arguments, we keep it away from our home. Not that we
have forgotten it, but we would continue whenever we are in the office.
Azeezat: It was a bit difficult
making that distinction. But we came to an understanding that work would be our
number one priority, but we would never sacrifice our marriage for it. In the
early days of our marriage, we had business arguments that affected our
personal lives. And I think that’s part of what led to the nosedive of my
career. So we have tried to make that separation of roles as much as possible.
For example, I have a private instant messaging app which I use in
communicating with my husband on the phone, and whenever I want to discuss
business ideas, I would do that with another app. We have been able to make
things flow over the years.
What was the reaction of your families to
the marriage?
Azeezat: I come from a deeply
Muslim home, and my husband’s family, staunch members of the Anglican Church.
His family didn’t have any issues with our marriage. It was my family that I
needed to convince. It was quite tough for my mother and she initially said she
would have nothing to do with the marriage. But we were able to make her see
our reason and get her on our side. Some people also said that I got married at
the wrong time in my career. But I can confidently say I’ve had a good
marriage. God has been faithful and He has always kept His covenant with our
marriage.
What challenges have you faced over the
years?
Seyi: I have learnt to be
patient and not to judge too quickly. I have settled it in my mind that we
would weather whatever storms that come our way by the grace of God, so, I do
not worry at all.
Azeezat: There has been nothing
extraordinary; just the normal quarrels that come up from time to time.
You once said you were having issues with
your children’s upbringing because of your different backgrounds. Have you been
able to resolve that?
Azeezat: We are actually still
dealing with that. In fact, it has become our cross and we have to carry it. We
respect each other’s opinions and have learnt to make compromises.
How do you keep your love burning?
Azeezat: By praying and
listening. Men aren’t so expressive about their feelings, but the Holy Spirit
helps me to read his mind and mood. We don’t celebrate events like
anniversaries and Valentine’s Day.
What advice would you give a couple about
to get married?
Seyi: Commitment is more
important than love and money. Love or money alone wouldn’t hold your marriage.
Azeezat: You should learn to
pray together. Keep away from whisperings and innuendoes by third parties in
your marriage. For the men, don’t spend too much trying to impress her. Take
care of her but don’t always spoil her with gifts. And for the women, don’t
take him for granted.
